For us, we had Pat. Aunt Pat. It started when she married my Uncle. It was a wonderful ceremony. We were extremely happy she was now one of us. She remembered our birthdays and anniversaries. She was there for graduations and celebrations. And she always had a story. In fact, of all of us, she could talk the most. Some of my family expresses themselves in grunts, but not Aunt Pat. She used whole sentences (and several of them) weaving stories out of simple events and including non-sequitors like the bird that kept trying to commit suicide on her front porch. That tidbit would pop up, be shared, and then, as we transitioned to a conversation about the early days of soap operas, be replaced by other events. Aunt Pat loved to share.
Which in my family isn't the norm. We're a little closed off, protective of our thoughts and situations, but Aunt Pat could be relied on to lighten a family gathering with a smile, a laugh, and a story (or two). She had a secret recipe for the best carrot cake ever and she brought it to every event. We would joke that she wouldn't be let in the door without the cake (which, shamefully, may have been true).
When Uncle Jerry died we all wanted to be there to support her, but she was resilient. She found peace in helping others. She volunteered several times a week, helping people who needed simple things like rides to the doctor or groceries. During her professional life she'd been a nurse, and was whip smart. There were many times we needed her quiet advice and she gave it to us, willingly and always with a hug.
Over the years she's written me some wonderful letters. In the past two years we'd managed to keep up a semi-regular correspondence. Here are some of the things she wrote:
"You were a little girl when I first met you (and your sisters). I remember that you immediately accepted me and you all made me feel comfortable. I don't know if you remember this, but when Uncle Jerry and I got married you (and your sisters) said 'We're so glad you got married, because now we can call you 'Aunt Pat.'' Watching you grow up to become a beautiful loving woman has been especially exciting for me, because I not only consider you my niece, but my friend as well."
"Looks like you and Staci had a good time at the book signing. Hope you had some time to visit. I'm dong fine. Nothing really new - just plugging along! I try to keep busy, but I also like to relax in the evenings - sitting on my butt watching TV! Haha - Shouldn't do it, but I enjoy my programs and recorded movies."
"I wish you could have been here on 5/20. You would have enjoyed our "ceremonies" - especially the pizza afterwards!! (Uncle Jerry liked pizza) About the Prius - I've never driven one or know anyone who owns one, but I always laugh when I hear the word "Prius" - there was a TV show not too long ago - "The Adventures of Old Christine" with Julia "Dreyfuss" something - Anyway, in case you didn't see it she played the part of a comic ditz - she always brought up the fact that she drove a Prius - because it is supposed to be "environmentally friendly" - she thought that made up for all the "unenvrionmentally friendly" things she did. Very funny! Hopefully, you'll not be forced to rent one again."
It is impossible to express how her loss hit me. When my cousin first told me she was gone I thought he must have been mistaken. I hoped that someone would call me and tell me it was all a big misunderstanding. She couldn't possibly be gone. Could she? Her loss hit everyone in my family like this. All of us in shock. She cannot be replaced and I dearly wish I could have one more afternoon with her, one more chance to chat, one more chance to give her a hug and tell her I love her.
She was the best of us...
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