Moments

I miss the colors of Hawaii.  They are so green, so blue, so calming.  Been trying to kick the cold I came home with and spent all day in bed watching movies (The King's Speech) and football (not sure how I feel about it, wanted the Saints to win, don't care much about the other game, but feel bad for Tebow).


Managed to get 1,500 words down for March.  Need to do another thousand before I call it a day, because I have to work on a project for my other job tomorrow.


I've been experiencing moments of something I wasn't sure how to describe.  A feeling so foreign I couldn't recognize it.  A peace, a restfulness, a smile for strangers...patience.  I thought a lot about it on the plane home and came to the conclusion that it was happiness.  I haven't been happy in such a long time.  I've been happy for others, my sisters, my cousin, my friends and family, but for me everything was just numb.  And then when Dad's health was failing I fell into such a deep depression that there was no room for anything else.  I did my best by everyone, tried to anyway, and at the end of the day had no energy left for myself.  But I've been making careful steps back.  It will take a long time, I think, but eventually I'll get there.  Back to a place where jumping into my characters lives doesn't take such a process.


Found this video from the trip.  Love the sound of the water.