The man on the plane

Flew to New Orleans this week.  Not for fun.  The day included four plane flights, the longest of which was the last - Houston to LAX.


I was comforted when one of the stewardesses said the flight would not be full.  I was guaranteed at least one seat between me and another human being.  The day had not been good.  I needed the space.


An man who I think might have been a James Patterson impersonator...or Nero Wolfe...sat in the aisle a seat away from me.  He was large, had a white beard and mustache and read a Brad Thor book the entire flight.  He brought a pizza on board with him and ate it before we took off.  When the flight attendant came by with snacks he grabbed several.  He had a running tab for wine.


All of that would have been fine.  I have eyelids. I can close them.


But he also took off his shoes and burped frequently, as if there was no one else on the plane.  I'm absolutely positive I was seeing him as he is naturally, on a Sunday night, when no one is watching.  I have never witnessed anything like it.  And I will pay good money to never have to again.